A great traffic experience (The National – News, 24 Jan 2011, Page 19)


A great traffic experience

The National – News
24 Jan 2011

I had a great experience I’d like to share with your readers. I was hit from behind at a traffic light on Saturday. I rang the police and within three minutes there were two Saaed vehicles to apportion blame. Both individuals (Yemeni) spoke perfect…read more…

Bond in Dubai

This refers to the recent report about the new James Bond novel ‘ Carte Blanche and subsequent movie featuring Bond’s escapades in Dubai.For all his suaveness and panache James Bond will find that the city of Dubai is a different ball game and uniquely different from all the other cities in the world.

To begin with Bond will simply be twiddling his thumbs having to play to play second fiddle to Dubai police as they are quick to solve almost all the crimes,national and international and unearth the conspiracies behind them.

Bond will also need to modify his famous introduction line.Simply saying – the name is Bond James Bond will not cut much ice here, unless there is a local mobile number to follow.Without Etisalat or Du Mobile number Mr Bond will not be able to forge any bonds in Dubai.

Since he will be in Dubai on a work assignment Bond will need to get a medical check up done before he gets the visa stamped.Also, in order to avail of any Government related services,Bond will need to queue up early in the morning outside a typing centre in Karama and apply for National Identification Card at any of the EIDA centres in Dubai.

‘ Spirited behaviour ‘ in or outside a bar is likely to put 007 behind bars in Dubai.
Bond will also not able to buy and sip his favourite,shaken but not stirred drink, martini without collecting the ‘ Red Card ‘ from MMI or A+E.And to get the coveted Red card, Bond will need to collect a ‘No Objection letter ‘ from his landlord as well as submit his work contract along with passport and visa copy.

Bond will also need to curb his philandering ways and not indulge in any public display of affections with his many lady companions especially on Dubai beaches and other public spaces.Failure to follow public norms of decency will result in a spell of jail,followed by deportation and front page media coverage in some high profile British Newspapers.

Chasing the villains in his trade mark Q fitted Aston Martin and swerving across lanes above permissible speed on Sheikh Zayed road will result in Bond’s car being impounded for 6 months .It will be much safer for Mr Bond to take the Metro to Mall of the Emirates,IBN Batuta or Mall of the Emirates and try to locate the bad guys there.

And finally, Mr Bond will do well to avoid Burj Khailfa and its vicinity as he is likely to be ambushed there by the swinging from the top Tom Cruise and his Mission Impossible 4 team.And Ethan Hunt sensing deadly competition from the ageing British agent may just cause him to self destruct in 5 seconds.

Cricket Shayari 4 jan 2011

My handiwork based on observations of today’s India vs S Africa match etc etc

Andhere ke baad hee hai aaata Ujaala….
Saaala kab dhang se khelega apna Cheteshwar Pujara

Tum bin zindagi ho gayee hai Soooni
Aur shadi ke baad thassi ho gaya hai M S Dhoni

Summer ke baad hee aaatee hai Rain…
Bhai kamaal ka ladka hai ye Dale Steyn

Zindagi nahi chaltee aajkal without Computer
And Cricket ho jaayega boring bina Sachin Tendulkar

India ke upar huey hain ab tak kayee Hamle
Abey suna hai aaj maidaan chhod kar bhaag gaya Anil Kumble

IPL mein players ka hone waala hai Auction
Aur bekaar ki Guzaarish kiye jaa raha hai Hrithik Roshan

2010 turned out to be a year of leaks and licks (The National – News, 04 Jan 2011, Page 15)


2010 turned out to be a year of leaks and licks

The National – News
04 Jan 2011

At the beginning of the year, Dubai conclusively licked all the existing skyscrapers in the world with the spectacular unveiling of Burj Khalifa, the tallest man-made structure at 828 metres. In April, an explosion aboard Deepwater Horizon, a deep sea…read more…